My Journey to Creating Family Foundations: Part II

I struggled to make it through the next year of my life, as my daughter recovered —

Taking a traumatic case, like my daughter’s, through litigation was no easy feat. At every turn, the home owners insurance company wanted to pin blame on me. Questioning if I was paying attention when it happened, if I was looking at my phone, if I was in the room. Questions I would have to answered over and over and over for a year and half of my life.

I was right next to my child, only inches away, when this dog took her to the ground. I don’t remember if I momentarily looked at my phone, but I what I do know, is that I was able to intervene within seconds. What I do know is that when I picked her up, I remembered to lock the dog behind the baby gates. What I do know is that I carried my child across the house, first to the garage, and then upstairs, as she dripped blood, screaming for help. What I do know is that despite not being able to remember the address I was located at, I did think to unlock the front door when I passed by it.

About 8 months into litigation, my lawyer was reviewing paperwork. He didn’t stop to think for a moment, before reading the 9-1-1 report, verbatim. I never knew how descriptive and detailed a 9-1-1 call’s report would be. What I do know, is I was hospitalized 16 days later with a migraine that left me unable to function for nearly two weeks. I needed an EGK, because my heart rate was through the roof. My blood pressure was high. And I was now having a panic attack at 2am in an emergency room, because I hadn’t stepped foot in a hospital since her accident.

There was a few great moments, sprinkled in here and there, but life just felt so hard —

Just after getting out of the hospital, my daughter and I took her first trip to Disney World. We met up with dozens of friends, and a few members who were able to join our impromptu trip. There was small, but good, memories that I held onto.

But, I was struggling to move on from her accident. I was working multiple part-time jobs, just trying to piece together enough work to make it by. We lived so far from family, and had only a few friends in South Carolina. My husband at the time and I ultimately decided that it was time for another change, and after 4.5 years in South Carolina, we decided to relocate to Phoenix, Arizona.

The Mom Group that led me to a new journey in life —

If you’re wondering what on earth would make an East Coaster head for the hottest, driest city in the country, we thank an online Facebook group for that one. I had made some great friends online in 2016-2017 when I was pregnant, and we all had 2 things in common: We were previously/currently Nannies and we had 2016-2017 due dates - Knocked Up Nannies - as we called it.

The people I had become closest to lived in two places: Seattle, Washington and Phoenix, Arizona. Just based on the cost-of-living alone, we knew that Seattle wouldn’t be the place for us, so we headed for the desert.

Just weeks after moving here, and celebrating my 5-year wedding anniversary, I found out that my husband had led a separate and secretive relationship for several years. I knew our marriage was far from perfect, but I couldn’t have guessed this would happen in a million years. I quickly felt so much anger and resentment, and then I felt so much fear and sadness. I didn’t want my children to grow up in separate homes the way I did. I couldn’t stomach the thought of them ever having another ‘mom’ in their life. We gave it a good “college try” but, I was unable to forgive what I knew, and really, I had become incredibly detached from my marriage several years prior.

As I headed straight to Tinder for an ego-boost, I ended up meeting the love of my life, just a few months later —

My life started to shift the moment I met Ryan. He was hard working, financially successful and stable on his own, he lived in a nice home with a room-mate, who he had known for years, he was funny, and sweet, and an open book. He listened without judgement to my years of trauma, and pain, and never saw it as baggage. I was still fighting severe postpartum depression, and Ryan accepted this with open arms.

Due to my circumstances of once again living in a place where I didn’t have any family, and all my friends had their own spouses and kids to care for, our relationship hit the “fast forward” button and we quickly began our life together.

We have had some rollercoaster experiences, some big fights, some growing pains, and a few times where we almost called it - but at the end of the day, we continued to choose each other. We continued to let love and life together be the priority.

As I was falling in love, my old life was still falling apart —

It wasn’t easy to be in the transitional period from married to a single-mom. It wasn’t easy opening my children’s life to another adult, who would become a parent figure. It certainly wasn’t easy for Ryan to come in and take over supporting, and learning when and how to parent alongside me.

Many days, I was grieving the loss of the life I used to live - the one with marriage and kids, even though I was so happy and excited about my new chapter. I would cry myself to sleep holding my kids blankets and stuffed animals, missing them so much. I was constantly battling my ex-husband and the girlfriend he introduced into my kids lives. A divorce that I initially thought would be easy, turned difficult quickly. Some days, it felt like I would never “win” and I often wanted to give up. I questioned if maybe my kids would just be better off with their dad, and not me, who was often in a state of anxiety, and strict, and impatient, and on edge. I was fighting for so much, including still fighting to just want to stay alive.

Then, the world shut down as the Pandemic took over each country —

On a Monday, I told Ryan that everything would be fine as long as we didn’t loose our jobs. By Wednesday, I was laid off, and on Thursday, Ryan’s company had to close their doors, too. I worked for a family that’s businesses were closely related to elective surgical proceeders, and Ryan worked for a car repossession agency - two lines of work that went down with the first set of closures.

We scrambled, dividing up our savings and adjusting our budgets, not knowing how long we would have to survive on little to no income. Financial stress breaks people, especially couples. Somehow, we made it through. Ryan’s company was able to qualify for a PPP Loan that allowed them to provide each employee with 40 hours of work (although, he still lost all commission, which was 60% of his annual salary). I was able to return to work 12 weeks later, basically in the nick of time, before our savings ran dry.

Life was finally getting back to normal, minus all the masks we had to wear.

Then came another baby, the sweetest boy —

It was late 2020, and I had always known that Ryan was hopeful for children of his own. We decided to try and quickly were blessed with the news we would be having another family member join us. Our babies presence was the light in a long, dark tunnel as we continued to navigate life in a Pandemic, all while I continued to fight through divorce proceedings.

But, life was starting to feel better - lighter. In retrospect, I wasn’t really healing though, I was just coasting on life’s little highs.

As I neared the end of my pregnancy, growing impatient and tired and sore, I could feel my mental load shift. The excitement wore off, and I needed it to be done - a feeling many pregnant women feel - but I could tell this was different.

I knew I was still battling depression, and that my risk for my depressive thoughts and feelings could increase once my son arrived. I preemptively planned to get back on anxiety medication late in pregnancy, but before his arrival.

I felt better than I had in years —

Things were still hard, days were long, and nights were spent awake with a baby. But for the first time in years, I was on a medication that actually helped me see clearly. I felt calm, and positive, and able to manage life’s stress as it came.

Just a few weeks after my third baby arrived, I received notice from the court that my divorce from my ex-husband had been finalized the day before my son was born. It felt like a huge weight lifted off my chest for the first time in two years since our separation.

I was in therapy, working through the disconnect I had with my second child. My medication management had be perfected. I returned to work, in a healthy and supportive environment. From late 2021 into early 2022, I truly felt like I was thriving. Life’s normal bumps in the road felt manageable.

I got to marry my best friend in March 2022, but our wedding day was filled with as much pain as it was joy —

Throughout my childhood, I had a very disconnected relationship with my mother. She lived across the country from me, and at one point, I went 8 years without seeing her. After seeing her once, and living with her for a very short period of time, I then did not see her again for nearly 5 more years. Our relationship was made up of phone calls, text messages, and fights. We often went long periods of time with no communication because of hurtful things that would be said in arguments. A relationship I was so desperate to hold onto, even though it always had strings attached.

There was many moments in life my mother missed, some of them because of distance but many of them because of hurt that had been caused. She missed my first wedding, we fought when I was pregnant with my first baby, so she didn’t come to meet her until much later. It really wasn’t until my second baby was born that we tried to constantly smooth things over. She was an amazing grandma - the one who takes the kids to do fun things, or watched them while I went on short trips, or took us all to amazing events. She bought them clothes, and toys, and put Santa to shame on Christmas. But, so many long standing issues and hurtful things continued to exist. They lingered in the background, and were waved like flags in each argument.

Unsurprisingly, we had a huge fall out before Ryan and I got married - literally the week of. The days surrounding our wedding were filled with stress, hiring private security, and trips to the court house for an order of protection.

Two years later, and I still grieve the loss of the relationship I wish my mother and I could have had. Especially since I have been estranged from my biological father for 12 years, since his incarceration for childhood sexual abuse from when I was young. It’s still a weird feeling to be completely disconnected from the two people who brought me into this world, and knowing that the boundaries I have created to protect myself from their hurt, is ultimately for the best.

I am happy to say that most of our wedding was a huge success, and the goal was achieved: our family of five was official on March 12th, 2022, in the most perfect, small ceremony.

Life settled down, and it was just so quiet, all the time —

Life was wonderfully uneventful. Ryan celebrated a year at his new company, where we were quickly accomplishing so much. I was content and comfortable in my job as a Nanny, raising my third baby alongside my Nanny-Family’s baby. The kids dad lived closer, and our co-parenting relationship was more amicable. I had quieted the noise in my life that constantly told me I was awful and that all I did in life was take from others.

So like any woman who is too comfortable, I decided I needed a little change. We were debating between moving our family to Texas and starting a whole new life, or finding a way to travel full-time (okay, that was my idea and it was short lived). Instead, I decided to take a couple of months off work and try being a Stay-at-Home-Mom. I want to pause right here and let you know you should laugh at this thought. I am a Type A, high productivity, always-on-the-go, project-seeking, pain in the ass. I need to be busy. Somehow, staying at home with my one toddler, was not the kind of busy I was hoping for.

I decided to start looking into classes and certifications, think I might enhance my Nanny resume. One day I didn’t have a single plan, and the next day, I had 100 of them.

That’s when Family Foundations was born —

I quickly decided that this was what I was made for. My husband supported me through jumping into several training programs, and within just a few months, I had several titles following my name. Today, I am Bryn, the owner of Family Foundations, a Postpartum Doula, Newborn Care Specialist, and Certified Postpartum Nutrition Specialist.

It didn’t take long for me to decide that supporting women as they go through the most transformative time in their life, was what I was made to do. I knew I wanted to focus my time and attention to Perinatal Mental Health, and that my entire mission would be to bring awareness to Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders. I knew I was a living example of coming out on the other side of a dark tunnel, and I wanted to use my story to encourage others to keep going, to keep waking up and going through the motions of each day.

I decided I wanted to help support families in creating a strong foundation that they could build on, one with resources and support through the 4th Trimester. From lactation concerns, to infant education, to nutrient replacement, I have created a safe space where families can learn, grow, and thrive.

I use my experience, my story, as a real-life example of all the amazing things that will come to you in this lifetime, if you just keep fighting to survive. It is not always an easy path, and some days will be so hard, but I promise: you are valuable, you are loved, and you have an incredible purpose in this world — you just have to keep going until you get there.

I want to thank all of the families that have chosen Family Foundations to support their families during the transition into parenthood. When you choose Family Foundations, you support a local business, founded by a young woman and mother who didn’t give up - against all odds. It is my priority to support your family in the ways I didn’t receive support, while slowly changing the way the world looks at postpartum women and families.

1 in 5 women, and 1 in 10 men, will suffer from Postpartum Depression. You are not alone, you are not to blame, help is available. Please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 if you ever have thoughts or intent to harm yourself or someone in your life. You deserve to live.